… First of all, as a career prosecutor, I will start by stating the obvious: Not all strangers are safe. Or one may not like the conversation. One study queried train commuters; a second, bus commuters. strangers on a bus) and then further up the chain to our representa- tives and politicians, all sha ping our predisposition to act or not. The researchers also argued that when we shy away from casual interactions with strangers, it is often due to a misplaced anxiety that they might not want to talk to us. Some of us can't talk to strangers because there's something about us that just seems to attract weirdos and annoying people who don't know when to stop. COMMENTARIES impulsive decision-may be "explained" as manifesta-tions of a particular trait, say extraversion. Jaime Kurtz, Ph.D., is an associate professor of psychology at James Madison University. Since, I have experienced decent conversation with strangers may feel like finding a new friend. Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don’t Know by Malcolm Gladwell. Chances are, you're overestimating the potential awkwardness and dismissing the potential feelings of happiness and connection these small encounters will provide. So we avert our eyes, zip our lips, and keep to ourselves. John M. Zelenski, Deanna C. Whelan, Logan J. Nealis, Christina M. Besner, Maya S. Santoro, and Jessica E. Wynn. While that may well be true, researchers have also recently found that interacting with “weak ties”—people that we don't know very well—actually brings a boost in mood and feelings of belonging that we didn't expect. Sandstrom and Dunn were inspired to explore this area of interpersonal interaction in part due to previous research demonstrating the emotional significance of interacting with strangers. It’s a must-read for salespeople of all verticals, and we’ve got a complete summary here. See more ideas about Talk to strangers, Psychology, Stranger. Why are so many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis? Why We Need All the Acquaintances We Can Get, Why Other People Are the Key to Our Happiness, In an Economic Crisis, How Time is More Valuable Than Money. Why are so many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis? Talking to Strangers is Gladwell’s attempt to address this problem. But every now and then, there are gains you can make by donning your game face, being brave, and taking that risk. Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. another about just how terrible at it we are. Sure enough, they found that people who engaged in social interaction with a barista, by making eye contact, smiling, and talking briefly, reported … Mar 9, 2015 - http://msconfuddled.blogspot.co.uk/2015/03/psychology-of-talking-to-complete.html. Most of us were admonished as children not to talk to strangers, for fear of kidnapping, or worse. And because kindness is contagious, you may find yourself not only boosting your own mood but improving the experience of the customer in line behind you. “Mistakenly Seeking Solitude.” Journal of Experimental Psychology: General 143 (2014): 1980-1999. In contrast, study participants in the “efficient” condition were instructed to avoid any unnecessary conversation, be ready to pay, and prioritize the efficiency of their interaction. As it turns out, many people are actually perfectly willing to talk—and may even be flattered to receive your attention. Or do you choose the safety of silence? Talking to strangers also means that there’s always a chance of meeting someone who thinks differently from us. If your antenna is up and you are perceiving red flags of any kind, do not engage. It shares ideas, methods, strategies, and techniques for salespeople to sell faster and easier than ever before. Casual connections with people we encounter in the course of daily life can give us the sense of belonging to a community. The rest of human contact transpires through electronic means. A women, some times may feel sexual advances when talking to men. In one series of studies, researchers instructed Chicago-area commuters using public transportation to strike up a conversation with someone near them on their respective buses or trains. Talking to a stranger may be surprisingly pleasant, but being talked to by a stranger could be predictably miserable, meaning that the overall positivity of a train, plane, cab, or waiting room of talkers could be no higher than one full of loners. Yet if that is our mindset, we may be missing out. According to a study by Dr. Elizabeth Dunn, a professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of British Columbia, talking to strangers makes people feel more cheerful, behave more pleasantly, and believe they belong in a community. … Couldn't agree more. “Is Efficiency Overrated? When You’re Most Likely to … Men will make sexual innuendos, etc. Gillian M. Sandstrom and Elizabeth W. Dunn. Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder. avoid talking to a stranger (93%, 76%, 68%, and 51%, responded no, respectively). Outside of the lab, there is likely a limit to this effect; at some point, the truly introverted will feel exhausted from this effort, and disingenuous as well. Why Fans of Horror Movies May Be More Resilient, Designed to Be Kind: Why We Are More Social Than Selfish. Or you’re on a flight, wishing away the countless hours between you and your destination. Share on Twitter. But we’re terrible at. Back in the '90s, talking to strangers online was a thrilling, novel, and low-key scary way to connect with others. They cite one prior study finding that contrary to what we might expect, subjects experienced the same level of positive affect after interacting with an opposite-sex stranger as with their romantic partner. More than a purely financial exchange, such interactions are simple, yet significant. I don't have any reason to chat up strangers “Talking to Strangers,” he says, ... Really. In the audiobook version of Talking to Strangers, you'll hear the voices of people he interviewed—scientists, criminologists, military psychologists. In the audiobook version of Talking to Strangers, you'll hear the voices of people he interviewed—scientists, criminologists, military psychologists. We’ve Got Depression All Wrong. Share using Email. Posted Apr 21, 2016 Its results show that strangers resembling past individuals known to be trustworthy are trusted more; by contrast, those similar to others known to be untrustworthy are trusted less. idea: It’s very difficult to tell when people are lying. How Sexual Thoughts Build Emotional Connections Between Strangers "I Am in Love with Trains" Talk Dirty To Me: The Psychology of Dirty Talk . In five different studies, researchers essentially told introverted participants to “act extraverted,” being more outgoing and talkative than usual. The explanation? Court transcripts are brought to life with re-enactments. But in harmless settings when it is safe to socialize, small talk can be both enjoyable and emotionally beneficial. We need to talk to them. This lesson reveals a surprising strategy that goes against what we all tend to expect from having a chat with strangers. “Personality and Affective Forecasting: Trait Introverts Underpredict the Hedonic Benefits of Acting Extraverted.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 104, no. For most of us, a typical day involves spending time with family and friends, and also with strangers. Having the attentional capacity of a gold fish at times also makes the vast scientific areas a perfect subject for me. Is It Me, or Are Strangers Acting Friendlier Than Usual? As a psychologist, I am seeing how this prolonged unnatural situation negatively affects … I have friends and family and I'm not lonely in life. In social psychology, it’s a thing. The Benefits of Talking to Strangers. How to Know When Your Relationship Is Over, “He Had High Self-Esteem and Didn’t Ask Who I’d Slept With”, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Just a Thimbleful of Alcohol Could Impair Driving Ability, Covid-19 Pandemic Measures and Substance Abuse, The Rise of COVID-19 Vaccine Selfies on Social Media. Whether buying coffee, shopping for groceries, or asking for help finding a product in Costco, we routinely interact with strangers in the course of doing business. The Psychology of Selling. As William Butler Yeats said, "There are no strangers here, only friends you haven't yet met.". Why You Should Talk to Strangers Surprising research reveals the benefits of striking up a conversation. Or maybe you’re trying out a new group exercise class at the gym, or a new course at your university. You actually hear the contentious arrest of Sandra Bland by the side of the road in Texas. Second, all participants in our experiments were, by scientific necessity, told to behave one way or another. Synopsis: “Malcolm Gladwell, host of the podcast Revisionist History and author of the number-one New York Times best seller Outliers, reinvents the audiobook in this immersive production of Talking to Strangers, a powerful examination of our interactions with people we don’t know. Rethinking stranger danger: Why we seek comfort from people we don’t know. They're told life stories, subjected to weird political and religious screeds. Sandstrom and Dunn found evidence suggesting these effects were mediated by experiencing a sense of belonging, which in turn promotes happiness. He discovered what he termed an “ anti-social paradox ”, where people consistently underestimated how … So, put down the newspaper and smile at a stranger. We have to learn how to get out of it. either as a teacher, creative writer or a psychologist. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets. Commiserate with a classmate. Gladwell is both a sucker for and a master of this kind of obfuscation. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550613502990. Much of the time, however, this belief is false. Aristotle spoke of three other kinds of explanations (Rychlak, 1981). Wanting to expand on this curious result, they sought to explore how we might transform instrumental exchanges into authentic social experiences, which in turn could boost feelings of happiness. : Minimal Social Interactions Lead to Belonging and Positive Affect.” Social Psychological and Personality Science 5, no. We can smile and make eye contact while we talk, prefacing our order with a friendly greeting. You're essentially held hostage for hours and it's not fair to people who just want to read their book. 4 (May 2014): 437–42. Sure enough, they found that people who engaged in social interaction with a barista by making eye contact, smiling, and talking briefly, reported more positive affect than those who simply aimed for efficiency. PSYCHOLOGY of TALKING to COMPLETE STRANGERS This blog post IS ABOUT the NEW TREND growing firmly in the MODERN WORLD i.e. Never Trust a Blood Relative Talking to Strangers is an elaboration of a simple (trivial?) However, we also know that other people are our greatest source of happiness, so there’s a huge potential gain to be realized by pushing beyond our comfort zones and taking that social risk. You actually hear the contentious arrest of Sandra Bland by the side of the road in Texas. Epley conducted an experiment, pre-Covid-19, in which participants were told to either talk to no one, carry on as usual or make conversation with whoever sat next to them. SHARE. These 4 ideas can also help you as an individual, regardless of … it—and, as we’ll see in the next two chapters, we’re not always honest with one. Picture it: You’re alone in a coffee shop, mindlessly scanning the newspaper. (NIU), I picked up Talking to Strangers in anticipation of another thought-provoking treatise for generalists from this widely acclaimed thinker. Whilst some might frame this in a negative way, it gives us the opportunity to understand new perspectives, and to learn about different experiences and ideas. Belonging and increased positive affect the dreams of both males and females of a particular,. Informational conversations are often viewed as exactly that: simple data exchanges honest one! To tell when people are lying female strangers are safe me, or a psychologist prosecutor I... Social Psychological and Personality Science 5, no exchange, such interactions are opportunities to boost happiness that otherwise... 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